Reach Out
by Miss-HL
Summary: Castle leaves his wallet at the precinct on Christmas Eve. Beckett goes to the loft to give it back but Castle and Alexis don't want her to leave and after this Christmas, will she ever leave?  Picks up season four
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Don't own Castle.

* * *

><p>Beckett sighed as she looked at Castle's chair, his wallet wedged in-between the seat cushions.<p>

It was Christmas Eve and he'd left early to finish off the decorating the loft before Alexis got home from her Christmas sleepover with her friends.

She tried calling his cellphone, no answer.

His home phone, no answer.

Annoyed, she pulled her coat on and put his wallet in her bag. For once she had managed to get Christmas off, Ryan and Esposito had been thrilled when she told them they weren't even on call.

-x-

Absolutely freezing Beckett knocked on Caslte's door.

"Do you ever answer your phone or are you being extra annoying today?"

Castle looked puzzled, puzzled at what she had said and puzzled that she standing outside his door on Christmas Eve.

"Wha-" But Castle was interrupted by Beckett pulling his wallet out of her bag.

He checked his back pocket, it was empty.

"I didn't even realize it was gone, I'm sorry." Castle said, taking the wallet from her.

"It's fine, have a good day tomorrow." Beckett smiled, turning away from him and going to leave.

"Kate, come in and stay for a bit. It's the least I could do."

Beckett looked up to him, half of her wanted to run into the loft and half of her wanted to run away.

"I don't want to impose on your family time."

"You are family so it wouldn't exactly be imposing would it?" Castle leaned over to her, slightly gripping her elbow and tugging gently.

"Castle." Beckett whined, trying to move away from his grip.

"Please." And he had her at that, she stepped into the loft, his hand still clasped around her elbow.

"Kate!" Alexis yelled getting up from the floor, running to Beckett.

"Hi." Beckett said as the teenager hugged her tightly.

"Are you staying for tonight?" Alexis asked, her eyes shining bright.

"I don't think so, I was just here to drop off your Dad's wallet, he left it at the precinct."

Alexis looked from Beckett to Castle and sighed.

"I bet you left it there on purpose, he was trying to ask you here all week." Alexis rolled her eyes and walked back to the tree.

"You did what?" Beckett turned to Castle, eyes wide.

Castle held his hands up in surrender.

"I swear I didn't, I'll admit that I'm gutted that I didn't think of it and my daughter did but then I'm proud at the same time, I think I've taught her well."

"Castle." Beckett hissed.

"Ok, I heard you tell Lanie that you had nothing planned and that your Dad had gone on a trip with his friends over Christmas so I was going to ask you to join us but I couldn't bring myself to ask."

"Why?" Beckett asked, slowing letting her folded arms drop back to her sides.

"Because I know how much the holidays mean to you and I didn't want you to think that I was making a joke out of it or wasn't taking it seriously, I was going to ring you tonight and ask, but you kinda bet me to it."

Beckett looked towards the ground, not wanting to look at Castle.

"But you're here now," Castle took her hands in his and she looked up, "and I really hope that you'll stay and maybe even come back tomorrow for lunch. Mother, Alexis and I count you as part of our family and we all want you here."

Beckett let out the breath she was apparently holding in.

"You always know what to say." She smiled, totally giving into Castle.

"Cones with the job." He shrugged his shoulders, pulling her into a hug.

"Just because it's Christmas it doesn't mean you can hug me all the time." Beckett moaned but she liked the fit, he was warm and she was still cold from the outside snow storm.

"Ah but Detective, it's the festive season so I am allowed to hug you all the time. You should see all the mistletoe." Castle laughed into her hair and let her go, walking back to the tree to help Alexis arrange the presents.

"Uh, one condition of me staying, no mistletoe." Beckett shook her finger at Castle and he pouted.

"Come on, it's tradition." Alexis said shaking her head and Kate huffed.

"Yes! Extra presents for the best daughter." Castle went to high five Alexis but she frowned.

"I say that it's tradition Dad, but you can't go around and hang it over her head all the time, it's creepy,"

Kate was laughing as Castle tickled Alexis.

-x-

"Dad we need the stuff for the cookies." Alexis yelled from the kitchen.

"Cookies?" Kate asked as Castle fiddle with the remote for the TV.

"Yeah, every year we make stain glass window cookies, this year I forgot the most important ingredient; hard boiled sweets."

"You forgot a lot today." Beckett smirked at him and he smiled.

"And I am so very glad that I did." Castle said, with absolutely no regret in his voice.

"Did you want me to go get it?" Beckett asked, sitting up from the couch.

"No, you are going to stay inside, you've already braved this weather for me once today. I've got a few other things to pick up and I'm worried if you leave you might not come back." Rick laughed but she couldn't tell if the last bit was serious or not.

"I said I'd stay." She said quietly.

"I know you did, I'm just messing around. I guess I can't believe you are." He tapped her leg with his, smiling at her.

-x-

Beckett walked over to Alexis in the kitchen after Castle had left with the list in his mouth, pulling on his coat.

"Are you sure it's ok that I'm here?" Beckett asked, watching Alexis get all the ingredients out for the cookies.

Alexis looked up to Beckett, sure over the past few months Alexis hadn't exactly been voting for Kate but after the robbery, Alexis had realized that her Dad would get into trouble anywhere he went, all by himself and she was grateful Kate was there to get him out of it.

"I'm really excited you are, Gram will be as well. You deserve to spend the holiday with family, even if you don't want it, you've got us now." Alexis smiled up at Kate, taking the lid off the flour.

"Thanks." Kate said, trying to keep the words to a minimum in case she cried.

The Castle's were defiantly good with words.

"Where is Martha?" Beckett asked changing the subject.

"She goes out every Christmas Eve to a broadway thing, comes home sometime after midnight, trips on the step and feels seedy all morning." Alexis laughed.

"How do you know she trips on the step?"

"Dad didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

Alexis sighed, "We have this tradition where we make a fort in the lounge and sleep there. I think I was two when it started, he couldn't get me to sleep, so he turned all the lights off and we slept on the floor looking up at the tree. The year after we introduced the fort."

"That sounds nice, good tradition. Not a very traditional one but it's very Castle." Beckett laughed.

"If you were staying, you could see how amazing it is. Honestly, it's kinda the highlight of Christmas for me. Lying under the sheets, all the lights shining through." Alexis shrugged, remembering back to all the times they had done it before.

"So cookies, tipsy Grandma and forts are the secret to a Castle Christmas?" Beckett asked, playing with a candle in her hands.

"There are others, we light candles too, hot chocolate before bed and Dad usually reads a Christmas story in the fort."

"Candles?" Beckett asked, intrigued.

"Yeah, this one was Grams that we kinda of took on as our own. We light a candle each for someone who we think needs a prayer, someone we love or someone we've lost."

Beckett felt choked up again, this family could get her stomach in knots with one simple sentence.

"That sounds-"

But Beckett was interrupted as Castle bowled through the door, sending bags flying.

"Seriously Castle, did you buy all of New York?"

"I did try but they told me I had to share with everyone else, rude right?" Castle smirked back at her, leaving the bags at the door and heading for the kitchen only carrying a small brown paper bag.

"Your sweets, sweetie." He smiled, giving Alexis a quick kiss on the cheek.

He sat down at the stool next to Beckett and smiled at her.

She was smiling back, a different smile, a smile that he'd only ever seen once or twice.

They broke the staring contest when Alexis smacked the candy into the bench, breaking them all up.

"Whoa." Beckett breathed out, "Remind me to never get you angry, quite some swing you've got there."

Alexis laughed, swinging the packet back down in the bench, completely crushing them into tiny pieces.

-x-

"Want to try?" Castle said, holding out a cookie to Beckett.

She had ventured into the lounge some time ago, tired from the day and her head swimming with thoughts of Castle.

She turned away from watching the snow and looked up to Castle. She patted the seat next to her and he sat without any word from her.

"I do." She said nodding, taking a bite from the cookie, right out of his hand.

She had stumped him with that action, she could tell he really wasn't expecting her to eat from his hand.

"Good?" he asked.

She was nodding, enjoying the cinnamon taste of the cookie and then strawberry flavor of the melted candy.

"Tired?" He asked and she nodded again.

"Kate, you don't have to stay. Alexis has already ditched me for the afternoon and Mother wont be home till way past midnight."

"Alexis went out?" Kate asked, looking over his shoulder to the front door.

He laughed, "Yeah, she said she came in to say bye but you were zoned out, looking out the window. She goes out with her friends for a hot chocolate and present giving." Castle smiled, sinking into the couch.

Beckett could remember doing it as well, catching the subway in to the city in the morning to swap presents with her friends and then pick up the bread rolls for her Mother on the way home.

"Kate?"

"Yeah, sorry." Beckett turned back away from the window, focusing on Castle.

"I don't want to keep you here, if you don't want to be here."

Beckett smiled, resting her head against his shoulder, still looking out of the window.

"I want to be here, just tired and brings back all the memories."

Castle didn't say anything, he simply rested his hand on her upper leg, giving it a tight squeeze.

"Alexis said something about lighting candles, tell me what it's about."

"It started before I remember, Mother used to buy candles and light them and say a prayer for all the people she missed, people who had left the world or people she just thought needed someone to think about them. I never really understood it until I missed someone or when Alexis was born, I used to light one for her and ask for her to stay healthy and happy. Then it just became another one of the traditions."

"Who do you pray to?" Beckett asked, knowing Castle had never been a religious man.

"Whoever is listening."

"Who have you done it for these last Christmas'?" She asked, lifting her head from his shoulder and looking him in the eyes.

"All the safely of the people at the 12th, Alexis, Mother, Ryan, Esposito, Lanie, Captain. I ask that they come through the door every night to their loved ones. I'll light one for Montgomery and his family this year for someone I miss and people that need to be thought about, I've done one for your Mom and one for your Dad for the same reason. I light one for you and ask that you keep me around so I can see you everyday, so that I know you are safe and I know you're loved."

Beckett let her face fall into his chest, tears streaming down her face. If there was a wall up in front of her, he'd just knocked it right down.

He moved her closer to him, arms around her middle, hugging her tightly.

* * *

><p><strong>Hi!<strong>

**Well this is just something I thought of today and decided to put it up here. It'll come in four parts I'm guessing, so three after this. Will be steady updated till Christmas.**

**I hope you enjoy it!**

**Tell me what you think!**

**H**


	2. Chapter 2

When the door slammed shut, Beckett woke. She didn't move, she couldn't. Castle's arms were wrapped tightly around her middle, somehow she had moved onto his lap, her head rested in the crook of his neck, her nose against his neck and her arms draped loosely around his neck.

"Shhhh." She heard Castle whisper, Beckett could tell it was later in the evening.

"Why?" She heard Alexis ask as she walked around into the lounge.

"Kate's asleep."

"Dad, it looks like she has been crying, what did you do?" Alexis whispered, sitting down on the couch next to them.

"Nothing, we just talked about the candles and I think it upset her, I think it was in a good way though."

"Did you tell her you always light one for her?"

She felt Castle nod against her.

"Just don't upset her anymore ok, this is already like the missing parent club, don't make it even worse." Alexis sighed.

"I'm sorry Meredith didn't come this year, Alexis." Castle said, his voice completely serious.

"I'm used to it, I get you and that's all I care about now. Grams living here makes it better and now we've managed to trap Kate here, feels like a normal holiday now."

Castle chuckled.

"I kinda want Kate to stay with us tonight." Alexis said, her voice suddenly quiet and shy.

"In the fort?" Castle asked, moving his shoulder and Beckett's arm fell from his neck.

"Yeah, I just want her to see how great it can be, even if you are missing a parent. We both are and we make it fun every year. It's not fair that she doesn't get a family holiday, I don't know what her Dad and her used to do but it wouldn't be the same after loosing someone the way she did."

"Well ask her, she'll listen to you."

Before Beckett would give it away that she was actually awake, she stirred convincingly and opened her eyes, sitting up.

"Morning, sleeping beauty." Castle whispered, his voice hot on her neck.

"Did I fall asleep?" She asked, attempting to move. Castle loosened his grip on her but didn't let her go.

Castle laughed as Beckett yawned.

"Did you have fun with your friends Alexis?" Beckett asked, resting her head back on Castle's chest much to his delight.

She would have never made such a move towards him yesterday, even this morning she would have laughed if someone had told her that she would be cuddled up to Castle on Christmas Eve.

"Yeah, they all talked about what they got their boyfriends for Christmas and kinda left me out."

Alexis was looking at the ground and Beckett suddenly remembered she had broken up with Ashley the night after the bank robbery.

"Girls are stupid sometimes." Beckett sat back up, moving from Castle's lap, much to his protest and sat next to Alexis.

"I dated this guy in college for a year and it was a nasty break up, he just broke it off out of the blue and we had this formal dinner every year with my friends back home, when I arrived he was there, we'd only been broken up a week and he was on the other side of the country, at my friends house. Turns out the friend I went to college with was now dating him and brought him home to meet her parents after I had spent the week crying over him with her."

"No?" Alexis was shocked.

"Yeah." Beckett laughed at the memory, nodding her head.

"I can't believe that, that actually happened?" Alexis asked.

Beckett just nodded her head again, "Honestly, teenage girls are the worst."

"I can't believe someone broke up with you." Castle said and Beckett rolled her eyes.

"That's what you got from that story?" Beckett asked, leaning back against his leg.

"Yeah, I'm shocked. What an idiot." Castle ran his hand over the small of her back. He wasn't going to push her but after she'd just spent the afternoon cuddled up with him, he thought he would test the waters.

She didn't even flinch, instead she leant into his hand.

-x-

"I should get going soon." Beckett yawned as she sat at the kitchen counter watching Alexis and Castle get ready for tomorrow.

"About that." Castle nudged Alexis and she looked up shyly.

Beckett looked confused, not letting it slip that she was actually awake for the entire conversation regarding her staying.

"Will you stay the night?" Alexis asked, putting down the cranberries and looking at Beckett.

"Castle." Beckett looked from Alexis to Castle and raised an eyebrow.

"This has nothing to do with me." He smiled.

"But this is your family time, I've already imposed on today. You two can have tonight."

"Look outside, it's snowing, it's dark and you're being silly. You're staying." Alexis said, completely in charge.

"Ok…" Beckett said, half smiling. When Alexis left them in the kitchen, she made eyes and Castle and they both laughed.

"Little Castle is a bit feisty." Beckett laughed, unwrapping a chocolate coin and putting it in her mouth.

"I know, I didn't even think she had it in her. It's clear who runs this household." Castle smiled, pushing a bag towards her.

One of the bags that he had stumbled in with earlier.

"What's this?"

"Open it."

Beckett opened the bag, "You got me clothes?"

"Pajamas and leggings are barely clothes. If you did stay, I wanted you to feel at home. We wear casual clothes on Christmas which is why I got you leggings and pajamas for tonight." Castle shrugged.

"How did you know I would stay?" She asked, holding the bag tightly.

"I didn't, but I wanted to give you the option."

Beckett sat silently, debating everything that had happened in the last few hours.

"If I stay then I'll feel terrible tomorrow, I didn't bring any gifts." Beckett shrugged.

"You being here is enough." Castle smiled.

"You keep saying that like it's the biggest deal in the world." Beckett looked at Castle, frowning.

"That's because it is, if someone had told me that Kate Beckett would have been knocking on my door Christmas Eve, granted it was my own fault but still, I wouldn't have believed them. I know I pulled you into the loft and Alexis wont let you leave but I love that you're here, sitting at my kitchen counter, participating in traditions, sleeping all cuddled up to me, I really like the last one."

Beckett rolled her eyes at Castle.

"Christmas makes you lot so sappy." Beckett laughed, throwing a chocolate coin at Castle.

He acted so wounded when it smacked him right in the chest, "Careful Detective, I'll get the mistletoe out."

Beckett smiled, shrugging her shoulders and Castle made a dash for it, she was laughing when he came back with a sprig of it.

"Tradition." Beckett rolled her eyes for the second time in the conversation and spun the bar stool around to face Castle, taking the mistletoe from him and hanging above her head.

"Seriously?" Castle asked, taking another step forward.

Beckett nodded.

Castle stepped closer to Beckett, his legs on either side of hers, gently nudging them.

Their eyes glued to each other as dipped his head down.

She feels her eyes close, his lips only an inch from hers.

When his lips touched hers, she doesn't know why she's so surprised.

It's a soft kiss, his lips warm against hers but he pulls back after only a second, not giving either of them time to deepen it. Her hands didn't even have time to wrap around his neck like she wanted.

When her eyes open, he's back in the kitchen reading over a recipe like nothing ever happened.

Like Richard Castle did not just kiss Kate Beckett.

-x-

"Alexis, dinner is ready!" Castle calls from the bottom of the stairs and Alexis comes crashing down them, already in her pajamas.

Castle's put two plates out on the kitchen counter and Beckett's confused.

"Dad makes dinner, I eat and he sets up the fort." Alexis smiles, taking her seat next to Beckett.

"He doesn't want help?" Beckett asked, stabbing the pasta with the fort.

"Nope, I helped one year it fell down. It's all about the ninja-jedi fort building skills, I honestly don't know how he does it." Alexis laughed.

They ate in a conformable silence, occasionally hearing crash and banging, Beckett couldn't help laughing.

"I've got some pajamas you'll probably fit, that is if you're staying, I know that I told you that you had to stay but obviously you can leave." Alexis smiled, pushing her plate away.

"Your Dad got me pajamas, so I have to stay." Kate laughed, pushing the bag towards Alexis.

"He's good like that."

-x-

When Kate walked into the lounge to see the finished fort she felt her jaw hit the ground. He'd been in the lounge for a little over forty minutes and in that time he'd completely changed it.

Huge sheets of white fabric hung from a hook in the celling, cushions and mattress' in the middle, all pilled up. All the lights in the loft were off except for the fairy lights that hung from the ceiling and the lights on the tree. All of the curtains pushed open so the light from outside shone through. It was almost more like a tipi the way the sheets hung from the same hook in the ceiling. The two couches had been moved to either side of the TV and the fabric hung over them.

Castle stood there smiling as Beckett walked closer to it. Alexis was already inside, picking where she would sleep.

"Rick…." Beckett whispered, walking over to him.

"Bet you don't think me being a man-child is a bad thing now?" He laughed.

She touched his upper arm, wrapping her fingers gently around his bicep much to his surprise.

"I never think it's a bad thing, more of annoying thing that gets on my nerves."

"And what about tonight?" He asked, as she tightened her grip on him, not wanting to let him go.

"Tonight it's perfect." She smiled at him, resting her head on his shoulder.

Castle pulled her hand off his arm and wrapped his around her shoulder. Beckett wrapped her arms around his middle, clasping her fingers together, her head nuzzled into his chest.

"If I had known that you would hug me like this, I would have built you a fort years ago." Castle chuckled.

"Wouldn't have meant what it does right now." Beckett said quietly.

"What does it mean now?" He asked, turning her so she was facing him, his arms wrapped around her middle, the same as hers wrapped around his.

"It means that I wouldn't have let you do this before now, I would have ran out the door as soon as you suggested it."

"But now?" He asked, pulling her closer.

"Now, I like the fit." She smiled up at him, a full smile. The one she knows he loves.

"Dad, Kate! Are you coming in?" Alexis yelled from inside the fort and Kate let her hands drop, she turned and walked towards the fort, smiling back at Castle.

-x-

Castle had perfectly hung the sheet over the TV so they could watch a movie inside the fort.

Alexis had decided that Beckett had to sleep in the middle of them both, the best bed in the house because it her first Christmas spent with them.

First Christmas? Alexis made it sound like Beckett was going to be spending a lot more Christmas' with the Castles.

"She asleep?" Castle asked and Becket looked over, Alexis was facing the wall, red hair sprawled all over the pillow, fast asleep.

"Yeah." Beckett said quietly turning back to face Castle.

They each had their own mattress, surrounded with pillows as well but Beckett was lying on the edge of her own mattress, closer to Castle.

"I love that movie, reminds me of you." Beckett giggled.

Giggled.

"Why does Home Alone remind you of me?" Castle pulled a face.

"Because it's something I can imagine you doing when you were young."

Castle smiled, she knew him well.

"I bet baby Kate Beckett would have been mischievous with her presents." Castle laughed.

"I was three and my parents had put my santa sack in my room, they woke up in the morning, came in all excited because it was the first year that I really understood the concept of Santa and I had woken up during the night and opened all of the presents. My floor and bed were covered with wrapping paper and I'd opened all my toys and played with them. My parents were so upset." Beckett smiled.

"I can see why, If Alexis had ever done that, I would have been a mess. It's one of the best things about being a parent."

"What else?" Beckett asked, shifting on her mattress, pulling the blankets up around her neck.

"Easter, I always make a hunt for Alexis in the loft. Hide all the eggs and she had to find them. Worked well until one year she didn't find one and it sat there for the entire year, it was so gross when I found it."

"Ew." Beckett laughed, curling her hair.

"Then there is the tooth fairy, that was always fun, trying to go in and get the tooth without her waking up. I used to get so nervous about going in there, it would take me about twenty times pacing the hallway to even open the door."

Beckett laughed, imagining Castle freaking out in the hallway, praying that Alexis wouldn't wake up.

"Did you ever want more?" Beckett asked, propping her head on her hand, fiddling with the blanket.

She didn't want to look at Castle, didn't want him to see right through her.

"I always wanted more but then I married Gina and she never wanted children, wasn't her style to have kids," Castle rolled his eyes, "But, I'm hopeful still, what about you? Want a baby Beckett?"

She could tell he was enjoying this conversation, enjoying peeling the layers back.

"I thought about it. Especially with Will," Beckett looked up to Castle, trying to gage his reaction but he just nodded, "but then neither of us were the kind of people at that stage to put our career on hold and I'm not the full-time daycare kinda person either."

Castle nodded again, encouraging her to go on.

"Haven't thought about it since then." Beckett shrugged.

"What about with Josh?" Castle asked.

"It was the career battle again, can't say raising a baby would be that great with its Father away on doctors without borders or Mummy going to a crime scene with puke all over her because she was running late getting the kid to daycare." Beckett rolled her eyes and smiled.

"I think you'd make a terrific Mother. Tough but nice, mixture of good cop and bad cop."

They both laughed and Alexis stirred next to Beckett.

Beckett rolled over, staring up the top of the fort, the fairy lights from outside shone in.

"What are you thinking about?" Castle asked, after a moment of silence.

"How grateful I am that you can pull me out of the rabbit hole." Beckett said with no hesitation in her voice, no worry or fret.

Out of the corner of her eye she could see Castle's jaw drop, she'd made him speechless.

On Christmas Eve, Kate Beckett was cozied up next to Castle, in a fort, talking about babies and him being able to pull her away from the grabbing hands of disappear and hurt.

She let her eyes close, let sleep take her.

-x-

Beckett woke with a startle when she heard the door slam close.

Unfamiliar surroundings, unfamiliar clothes and strange lights caused panic mode.

"Kate, Kate!" Castle called and Beckett looked over to Castle.

Suddenly she remembered where she was, it was Martha getting home from wherever she had been.

She had sat up in her panic, sheets pushed to her feet, hands in her hair.

"It's Mother, I'm sorry Kate, I didn't think she would be that loud." Castle sat up, pulling his blankets down to his middle.

"It's fine, cop instincts and all." Beckett tried to calm her breathing, tried to act normal but they both saw straight through it. She was thankful that Alexis had managed to sleep through the ordeal.

When the door upstairs closed, Castle held his hand out to her.

"What did I say about hugging?" Beckett smiled.

"Please." Castle's voice was strained, hurting and full of anxiety.

Clearly this was affecting the both of them.

Beckett sighed, kicking the remainder of her sheets from her feet and shuffled onto Castle's mattress. He pulled the blankets up and over her and laid back down. She sat there for a moment, unsure of what to do, what was going to happen, what she wanted to happen.

"Kate, lay down." Castle's hand wrapped around her elbow and he gently tugged. She complied, her shoulder against his.

"What's the difference to me being here and me being a foot away?" Beckett asked, her eyes glued to the ceiling. She could tell Castle was watching her.

"Roll on your side," He said, his hand on her hip pulling her into him, her face next to his on the pillow, his hand staying put on her hip, "Because when you're here, I can feel you. I know you're safe."

Beckett bit her bottom lip to stop it trembling.

"I'm guessing it's way past midnight?" Kate asked finally, letting her hands run up his chest.

He lifted his head to look at the time on the DVD player and smiled.

"2.17am." He smiled, it was officially Christmas.

"Merry Christmas." She smiled, cupping his face, kissing him on the lips.

His hand tightened the grip around her hip, closing the distance between their bodies by moving her closer to him.

"Merry Christmas, Kate." He whispered, kissing her back.

When she pulled away he frowned, "Don't want to scar your child there, Rick."

She felt him tense with her calling him by his first name.

"What did you ask Santa for this year?" She asked him, her voice teasing him.

"You." He replied, not missing a beat, not even caring he was putting it out in the open.

"Do you think you've been good enough this year to get what you want?" Beckett asked, smiling.

"You tell me." He said, brushing the hair from her face.

She didn't answer him, choosing to kiss him instead, that was an answer in itself.

* * *

><p><strong>Hey everyone,<strong>

**Sorry this took so long to get out, having internet troubles. **

**Tell me what you think please.**

**Two more chapters after this.**

**H**


	3. Chapter 3

Beckett woke to the sound of laughing. Her eyes shot open and Martha and Alexis both cupped their hands over their mouths.

"Sorry Kate." Alexis smiled, she was nervous about waking the sleeping Detective.

Beckett smiled and went to stretch but someone had their hands wrapped tightly around her middle.

She looked over her shoulder to see Castle, still asleep and cuddled up next to her.

"Death grip." Beckett muttered, pulling herself away from Castle.

Both Martha and Alexis laughed as Beckett moved onto her own mattress, suddenly cold and missing the warmth of the sleeping body next to her.

"Merry Christmas!" Alexis said excitedly, leaning over and hugging Kate.

"Merry Christmas." Beckett said, tightly hugging Alexis back.

Martha and Beckett also exchanged hugs and greetings before Alexis looked at Martha and she nodded.

"We want you to open your present now." Alexis said, handing Beckett a gift bag.

Beckett frowned and looked up to Alexis.

"It's not a big deal, you didn't know you were going to stay, we knew Dad was trying to get you here and saw this the other day, it's perfect for you."

"I feel so bad." Beckett said quietly and Martha reached out, grabbing her hand.

"You can make up for it next year, now open it!" Martha said, throwing her hands up in the air.

Beckett slipped her finger under the wrapping paper, lifting lightly until the paper ripped away from the tape.

A thin velvet blue box fell into Beckett's lap. She sucked in a breath.

Her hands were trembling when she flicked the box open, a thin silver bracelet sat in the clips holding it in place. At one end was a heart locket and clasp.

"It's gorgeous." Beckett smiled, running her finger over the chain.

"Don't be mad at Dad but he told me about your watch and ring, well actually I asked after I saw your watch one day. The life you lost and the life you saved."

Beckett looked up, suddenly breathless but nodded.

Alexis smiled at her, taking the bracelet from the box and holding it out to her.

"I hope that you'll wear this for the life you found. The life with us." Alexis said, doing the clasp up on the bracelet.

Martha was nodding, her hand squeezing Beckett's leg.

"I don't know what to say, thank you, it's perfect." Beckett smiled, suddenly realizing she had become a part of this family without even knowing it. They had taken her in as one of their own and she didn't mind one bit.

Castle stirred next to the three woman and Alexis laughed, "Come on Grams, we should get breakfast ready before he wakes up and has a breakdown about being hungry."

Martha rolled her eyes and got up and out of the loft, complaining the entire way to the kitchen about how sore her head was.

"Morning." Castle mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

"Wake up." Beckett smacked his chest.

"Ballsy in the morning, I like it." He smiled, sitting up and reaching for her leg.

"Seriously Castle, wake up."

"Ok, I'm up. Merry Christmas gorgeous." He smiled, leaning into her but she stopped him with her finger on his lip, he proceeded to pout.

"Alexis and Martha just gave me their present, Castle look." Beckett held up her hand, the shiny new bracelet hanging off her wrist.

Castle took her hand in his, spinning the bracelet around so he could see it all.

"You don't like it?" He asked, looking up from the bracelet to her.

"I love it, so much."

"What's wrong then?" Castle asked, clasping his fingers around hers.

"Alexis said that it's for the life I found with you." She said it quietly, not sure she really wanted to say it out loud.

Castle just smiled at her.

"Seriously? You want me in this family after everything I put you through? Freezers, bombs, gun battles and snipers?"

She felt him tense when she said the word sniper but he didn't stop smiling.

"Kate, come on. We wanted you before all of that, nothing will change it. I think it actually makes us want you even more after all of that. You're stuck with us, for good. Get used to it."

She had to smile, had to give in because she wanted it just as much as they did.

"Do you want your present from me now?" He asked, kissing her quickly on the cheek before getting up.

This was all so much, happening so fast, her head was spinning.

She groaned, threw her hands over her face and fell back on the mattress.

He was laughing, pulling her legs down and grabbing her hands before pulling her up. She was a dead weight falling into him.

"Come on." He led her by the hand out of the fort and into his office.

Beckett was silent, not knowing what to say, not wanting to say anything.

He sat her down on his chair and picked up the red bag from the floor, handing it to her.

"Here." He said, smiling.

She didn't reach out to grab it, instead eyeing up the bag, wondering what could possibly be inside.

"Kate, open it." He said, putting the bag on her lap.

She reached inside the bag, pulling out a beautifully wrapped rectangle object. She could tell that Alexis had probably wrapped it, it was too perfect for Castle, he would have got grumpy with it.

"What is it?" She asked, flipping over the present.

"Just open it, you're killing me here." Castle whined and Beckett rolled her eyes.

Under the layer of paper was a black box, the size of a normal letter size piece of paper but heavy.

Kate shuffled the lid from the box and inside lay the first draft of '_Heat Wave.'_

"Rick…" Beckett looked up to him, he was smiling.

Castle knelt down next to Beckett, his hands resting on her knee.

"It's the very first draft, in the columns I wrote notes about what I wanted to change and what I like, doodles and pieces of utter brilliance. I carried this around for so long before I did a second draft."

"You can't give this away." Beckett spluttered out, trying to push the manuscript back to him.

"Yes I can, especially to you who made it all possible."

Beckett rolled her eyes at his answer before Alexis yelling brought them back into reality.

"She'll want her presents or breakfast is ready, you coming?" Castle asked, standing up.

Becket shook her head, looking back at the most precious thing anyone had ever given to her. It was worthless to most people but to her, it signified the most invaluable thing in her life.

Love.

Castle kissed her on the top of her head and left the office, giving her the space they both knew she needed.

She flipped through the pages, his scribbles in the columns, over the words, on the backs of pages.

_'She wore green today, her eyes almost killed me. She almost killed me for staring. It was worth it.'_

_'By her smile today, think I've got her coffee order sussed.'_

_'Have to remind Alexis to pick up milk.'_

She laughed at that one.

_'Espo and Ryan fist bumped today, I wonder if Beckett will let us have something cool like that?'_

_'Honeymilk.'_

_'She feed the birds with me today, I think that will be our thing.'_

_'Safe word is apples.'_

There were pictures of cats that he'd drawn on one page. Snakes on another.

Other notes detailing their cases, address' and phone numbers.

When she flicked to the last page, everything felt like it was on fire, the words stabbed into her, everything spun, her world changing in a second. She'd heard him say it that faithful day in the cemetery but this was different, this was real.

She wasn't dying, she wasn't in danger, she wasn't going to be taken away from him and this was written well before her Mothers case had consumed them.

_I think I love her._

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><p><em><em>**Oooh see what I did there? Baby chapter but I wanted you to have this tonight. Hope you have a wonderful Christmas Eve/Christmas Eve Eve (depending on the crazy timezones.)**

**Please review, I love them. Seriously love them. It's probably unnatural how excited I get. **

**H **


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Don't own Castle, wish I did though

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><p>Castle was standing against the doorway watching her.<p>

"Kate." He called, she could hear him but she couldn't bring herself to look away from the last page.

Those last five words.

_I think I love her._

How did he know?

How did he keep it so quiet?

Was it really that quiet though? He never said the words but it was there, subconsciously touching her, making remarks about her, she heard them and felt them back but why did this shock her so much.

Why had it taken this long to actually feel the words?

She remembers the day in the cemetery, his body towering over hers, his eyes burning into her as he confessed his love to her.

She remembered it, from the moment she woke up, she remembered everything but she couldn't tell him that, she needed space and time with her thoughts.

Kate had decided that for her to ever have the relationship she wanted, she'd have to close her Mother's case. Get some closure herself from years of fighting the war.

So what was she doing here? The walls around her had fallen, it didn't even take that much.

She had let Castle hug her, kiss her, sleep next her all cuddled up and vulnerable .

"Kate." He said again, not raising his voice, not barging into the office. He remained against the doorframe.

When did she decide that she didn't need to close the case to be with Castle?

She wanted more than anything, to close her Mother's case but now there was more on the table, more to think about.

More to love.

Castle, Alexis, Martha.

_I think I love her._

He knew all the way back then? Back when she was still trying to figure out if was lust or if he was just so good at annoying her, she enjoyed it.

She knew there was something there when he asked her to the Hamptons, she was going to say yes but Gina had shown up.

She wondered why if he knew he loved her, why did he go to Gina?

Demming.

Then Josh.

All of these things kept them apart, she wondered if they would be together if they had just had the courage to say it out loud.

"Kate." He said again, his voice half worried, half intrigued about her being completely zoned out.

Her fingers traced over his words, those five words written on the last page of the first book he wrote about her.

_I think I love her._

She looked up to him, eyes stuck on his.

"I love you." She said without looking away, without hesitation and without thinking of the possible ramifications of her statement.

Castle moved closer, taking long strides, taking the book from her hands and putting it on his desk, he fell to his knees, eyes still glued to hers.

"Kate-" He began but she cut him off.

"I love you. I'm sorry that I didn't say it before, something clicked today, something I needed. It's you, it always has been." She smiled, cupping his cheek in her hand.

He was smiling too, his hands holding his balance on her knees.

"I have waited so long for you to say that, I love you too." He said, his eyes glistening with moisture.

She slipped off the chair into his arms, her arms tightly wrapped around his neck, her face buried in his chest.

They sat like that for a moment, neither one wanting to let go of the moment, of the realization of the love they kept inside.

Alexis brought them out of the moment by yelling it was time to open the rest of the presents.

-x-

Beckett sat watching Castle play with a remote control car that Alexis got for him. It was a police cruiser and it had a radio for dispatch to go with it.

"Beckett, you have to press the button!" Castle whined, frowning at Beckett.

She leaned over the table, pressing the button on the radio.

A lady's voice screeched through the speaker, announcing there was a 10-31 in progress.

Castle cocked his head at Beckett and she rolled her eyes, "You should know that, it's a burglary."

"But it's so sexy when you say it and that you know all the lingo."

That got him a pillow to the head.

"Beckett, that was assult. What's the code for that?" He asked.

"10-34." She answered, flicking through a cook book Martha had given Alexis.

"Hot." He said, driving the cruiser over to her feet and flicking the sirens on and off.

She stood, stepping over the toy, walking towards Castle.

"Make the most of it, it's the only police car that you'll ever be allowed to drive." She kissed him on the cheek before walking into the kitchen.

"Harsh, so harsh." He smiled, looking over at his shoulder, watching her walk into the kitchen.

"Castle, I would stop checking me out, or I'll be calling it in for real." She smirked over her shoulder.

He huffed, sticking his bottom lip out.

Kate sat the bar stool watching the women of the house get dinner ready.

She knew it would happen, that Castle would get bored of his latest toys and join them in the kitchen. Watching the three of them in there was fascinating to Kate, they all moved in sync with each other, all talking at the same time, all talking about nothing but at the same time, everything seemed so important.

Castle moved from the kitchen to the stool next to Beckett.

He took her hand in his, playing with her fingers as she talked to Alexis about the merits of chocolate over vanilla for cupcakes.

"You are tickling me." Kate whispered, pulling her hand away.

His hand found her thigh, drawing circles on it absentmindedly.

"Castle, do you have to touch me all the time?" She asked, raising at eyebrow at him.

"Yes, and now I'm allowed to so get used to it." He smiled at her, leaning over and kissing her in front of his daughter and Mother, both were not one bit fazed by the attention he was giving Beckett.

"Well-" She began but Castle shook his head.

"You wont win this, don't even try." He smiled, putting his hand over the back of her chair, curling her hair in his fingers.

"Fine." She rolled her eyes, hiding a smile that was trying to break out, she didn't even mind.

-x-

They sat around the table after finishing Christmas dinner. All of them so full from grazing on snacks all day and then the meal fit for kings.

"I feel sick." Castle complained, rubbing his belly.

"I told you to not eat anymore after your third plate, you should have listened." Alexis frowned at her Father, pushing her plate away from her.

Beckett sat cross-legged on her chair, the leggings Castle had bought for her the day before and a tee shirt of his, acting more like a dress overtop.

"We are going to have leftovers for the next week." Martha said, packing her plate on top of Alexis'

"Maybe we could persuade Kate to take some home with her, we will never eat it all. Or maybe she could eat it here, with us."

Everyone looked up to Alexis. Martha tried to hide her smile and Castle didn't even bother.

Kate sat there wondering if Alexis had actually given her a weeklong invitation to stay at the loft with them.

"It is up to Kate, although she might need some more clothes if she plans on staying for the week." Castle said, the words falling from his mouth like it was normal conversation.

"Kate?" Alexis asked, turning to her, eyes wide and full of question.

"You'll probably be sick of me by then and I have to go back to work as well." She smiled, trying not to sound so disappointed.

She did want to stay, the thought of going back to her apartment alone now was simply depressing.

Katherine Beckett, the queen of independence didn't want to be alone anymore.

She wanted to be with Castle.

And she wanted to be around Alexis and Martha.

"I guess I could bring a bag and go to the precinct from here." She finally said, giving into everyones pleading eyes.

Alexis and Castle smiled at each other and Martha raised her hands, thanking someone or something on the ceiling.

"Candle time." Martha said, standing and moving from her chair.

Suddenly Kate was nervous, she had forgotten about this, and now it was tying knots in her stomach.

-x-

"What's wrong?" Castle asked, the look on her face must have said it all.

"I forgot about this and now I'm nervous."

Castle smiled, taking her hand and leading her to the lounge where Martha and Alexis were setting up the tray on the windowsill.

"You don't have to say it out loud, usually we just keep it to ourselves unless it's one we all want to do." Castle nudged her side in a caring way.

"OK…" Beckett said quietly, walking into the lounge.

Sometime when Kate must have been siting in the office, Castle had taken down the sheets from the fort, all un folded in the corner, the fairy lights still hanging from the ceiling though, giving enough light to the room without having to turn the big lights on.

Martha sat next to them on the couch and they watched as Alexis light four candles, her eyes were closed as she stood there, shifting on her feet.

"Your turn." Alexis said to Martha, taking her spot on the couch and cuddling up to Castle.

Martha lit five, lighting each candle with one that was previously lit before, whispering words that no one could hear and weren't trying to either.

"Kate." Martha smiled, returning to the trio on the couch.

Castle squeezed her leg in encouragement and she stood.

She took six candles from bag, lining them up next to Alexis and Martha's and took a deep breath.

_This one is for Martha and Alexis who I pray are happy and healthy all next year and every year after that. I hope they find exactly what they want in life and I'm so thankful for them allowing me into their family and for loving me._

She lit another one.

_This one is for Ryan and Jenny, who I wish the very best for their married life together, they are so in love and I want them to be so happy. _

Lighting the next candle from that one seemed appropriate.

_This one is for Lanie and Espo, who I wish and pray would realize they are perfect for each other and even though they are so stubborn I pray that one of them will realize and take the jump so they can spend the rest of their lives together._

Lighting another one, she knew this is where it would get hard.

_This one is for Castle, who everyday has stood next to me and I pray that he will be always there, that I'll be lucky enough to stand with him for the rest of my life._

Suddenly her hands were shaking, eyes tightly closed, trying to block our the tears.

She felt him before she heard him. His hands wrapping around her waist, his head resting on her shoulder.

"Who have you done?" He asked quietly, kissing her neck.

"Alexis, Martha, Espo, Lanie, Ryan, Jenny and you." She answered, her eyes still firmly closed.

He light two candles, his eyes closed too as he prayed for his daughter, Mother and friends at the 12th.

Noise in the kitchen indicated that Alexis and Martha had left the lounge, letting them have a moment.

He lit another one, his arms back around her middle, holding her tightly.

"I'm lighting this one for you Kate, I hope you'll never let me go, that I get to spend forever with you because it would make me the happiest person in this world. I pray that one day maybe, you'll become my wife and there is a small chance we'll get to have a little Castle or Beckett running around, I'll be forever in your debt. I'll never ask for anything else if I get to wake up to you everyday though, you're everything I've searched for and I hope you know that I love you so much." He kissed her neck again.

The tears beginning to stream down her face.

"To Montgomery," he lit the candle next to her one, "For keeping Kate safe, I could never thank you enough. I pray that your family have a happy and healthy year and even though you've left this world, I pray that they smile, that something will remind them of you daily and that your memory will never be forgotten, that you are up there somewhere having a drink tonight, looking down on us all with all the happiness in the world."

She let her eyes open, all she could see was the light from the candles in the blur of her tear filled eyes.

"To Jim and the late Johanna Beckett," Castle lit the final candle, as Beckett turned to him, fists clenched and grabbing his shirt, her face planted against his chest, "For bringing the most amazing and perfect person into this world, for creating a beautiful and talented daughter that the world would be lost without. For giving me a woman that I could love with every single thing I have. I pray that Jim has a wonderful, healthy and joyous year. I pray that Johanna is smiling down on us right now, smiling at her daughter who is giving up so much by just being here, I pray that she is happy with her choice of someone to love and I promise to the both of you, I will do everything in my power to keep her safe, to keep her happy, keep her caffeinated," Beckett let out a quiet giggle at that one, "But in the end, I promise that I will love her for the rest of my days on this planet and then some."

Beckett let the tears out, wrapping her hands around his neck, never wanting to let go.

"Kate, look at me." He said, leading them a step away from the candles.

She looked up to him, face stained with tears, eyes glistening with the light from the candles.

"I promise you that I meant everything I said, I want you forever." He said, smiling down to her. His hands cupping her face, wiping her tears away.

"Forever." She smiled, nodding her head.

"Merry Christmas." He said, kissing her cheek.

"Merry Christmas Rick, thank you." She replied, reaching up to kiss him, a tender kiss, a kiss that in a few days would seem normal to them but for now, it was new, it was big, it was everything.

"I've never been more thankful for losing my wallet." He chuckled.

"When will it come out that you left it there on purpose? Knowing that I would bring it over." She asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I have no idea what you are talking about." He smiled, not letting her answer but kissing her instead.

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><p><strong>Well, there you go. I hope you liked the last chapter. It was certainly hard to write which is why you are getting it so late.<strong>

**I changed it a billion times before finally giving in and leaving it at this.**

**Thank you to everyone who did favorite alerts, story alerts and reviewed, seriously thank you so much. It's been great to be on this journey with you all. **

**Hope you all had an amazing Christmas and New Years.**

**Hannah**


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